Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
