Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
