We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
