I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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