I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
