I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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