I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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