Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
