well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
