even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You've changed since you got that strap on
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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