Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
