My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
