she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so let's talk penis.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
