Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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