I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
