I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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