the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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