he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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