I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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