I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
