My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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