Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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