He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
