I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
