she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
