**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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