oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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