So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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