community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
