he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
