Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize