i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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