u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
