I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
