In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
