i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
