i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
