can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Where is the hickey?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
