Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
