i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
