That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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