Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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