you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
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the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
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At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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