Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
