The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
