**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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