Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
