Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
