i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
