That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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