he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
