when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
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