No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
