Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
