my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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