I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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