Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
