the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
