I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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