So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
