the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
