So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
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Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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