dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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