thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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