She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
