Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Two words: blizzard sex
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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