she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
